Oh. Well… Good morning, bad breath guy.
What brings you to share my Metra seat with me today? I notice that half of the seats in this car are empty. Many of us choose this car for the specific purpose of avoiding other people at 6 am.
Oh! Also, bad breath guy: you will be able to manspread much more comfortably if you choose your own seat. Just a tip.
Maybe you just want quick access to the aisle. Lots of people on the evening commute choose to sit with a companion so that they won’t have to jump over any latecomers to exit the car. Easy getaway with no confrontation. Good plan.
Another tip, though – there were seats closer to the exit. Easier getaway than my seat, really.
Whatever. Glad to have you, bad breath guy. We can handle a 40 minute commute together.
I pretend to look out the window, but I notice in the reflection that you’re glancing backwards at me. I try not to make assumptions, but it seems like you first checked my left hand and then doubled back to get a better look at my belly.
Maybe that’s not what you were doing. I put my bag on the floor, scoot down to rest my head on the back of the seat, and try to rest in a compact position for the rest of my commute. I don’t want to confront your manspreading this early in the morning. I can handle the 40 minutes.
With my bag out of the way, I notice you definitely triple check the size of my belly.
Why, yes, bad breath guy. I am married and I am pregnant. If you by chance chose this seat because you thought you might find a new companion on the 6 am train, I offer to you – no one wants to meet new people on the 6 am train. Perhaps you will have better luck socializing on the evening commute. If you really did choose this seat for that reason, bad breath guy, will you please consider avoiding the uncomfortable situation for any other girl on a future 6 am commute?
Finally, we are at the station. I notice that you make no attempt to take advantage of your aisle seat, bad breath guy. That really makes it hard not to make assumptions. It seems more likely that my ring and baby ruined your plan to court me this morning.
Oh well. 40 minutes are over. Perhaps you have breath mints at your desk, which would make the remainder of your first impressions today much better. Have a great day, sir.